You fall in love with someone...
FATE
confess that love...
DESTINY
and become a couple.
Everyone would say that's a wonderful thing.
But they're wrong!
Love is war!
CONFESSION
The person who falls in love loses!
KAGUYA-SAMA: LOVE IS WAR
STUDENT COUNCIL ROOM
Oh.
TEENS LOVE BIBLE
What's this?
Oh, the headmaster confiscated it from a student.
MIYUKI SHIROGANE STILL HASN'T DONE IT
He said, "It's not proper reading material, so dispose of it."
Jeez. Why didn't he just do it himself?
Not proper reading material?
CRUDE
Crude!
I mean lewd!
LEWD
This country is becoming lewd!
What's got her skirt in a bunch?
Maybe nudity with pubic hair?
Shirogane showed great interest.
- Kaguya, I wouldn't if I were you! - Let's see.
A survey. "When was your 'first time?'"
"By high school. 34%."
No way! There's no way that many are doing it!
34%!
In other words, more than a third!
One out of three people means there's a high likelihood
DID IT
that one of these three have already had such an experience!
I-It's only that high because the respondents
are the people who read this kind of magazine, right?
Oh, you mean "sample selection bias."
Yes, there can't actually be that many people.
Right?
Really?
This percentage seems about right to me.
In fact, it's probably low.
Um, I don't even think I need to ask,
but have you had that kind of experience, Kaguya?
Yes, the first was a long time ago.
TOWN PAGES
Huh. The area code for Aomori is 017. That's surprising.
Isn't that normal for most high school students?
You two must not have been raised in a loving environment.
M-Maybe I should hurry up and get a boyfriend.
The area code for Oshamanbe in Hokkaido is 01377... and 013...
But I'm sure Father would never allow it.
Kaguya realizes there's a nervous component to their reactions.
When humans realize they've gotten a late start
compared to those around them, they get nervous.
Then that anxiety makes them succumb to the emotional need
of finding a romantic partner. In short...
I'm too late to the party?
I’M FALLING BEHIND?
I HAVE TO GET A GIRLFRIEND!
SHINOMIYA, GO OUT WITH ME!
Shinomiya, go out with me!
Confess your love!
Kaguya's objective of the day was decided.
The whole thing is ridiculous!
Oh, President, I heard you were very popular.
She instigates.
Don't you have a girlfriend?
She instigates some more!
No, I don't.
I don't have that kind of relationship with a particular person. Not right now.
"Not right now"!
An expression that hints at the existence of a girlfriend long ago,
but even if he's never gone out with anyone, it isn't a lie!
It's an expression loved by people the world over, from the young to the elderly!
That's right! Miyuki Shirogane has never had a romantic experience!
And yet it can't be said that he isn't popular.
In fact, he is quite popular.
Perhaps it should be said birds of a feather flock together.
Or perhaps we should consider that in many cases, oddballs are drawn to oddballs.
When the trend is only dangerous characters being attracted to you,
WHAT IS THIS HAIR?
you won't reach a romantic relationship.
WHAT IS THIS SMOKE?
Why am I so popular?
And so, despite having no experience,
Shirogane was supremely confident in his own popularity.
The women must be attracted to my overflowing intelligence.
Should I feel guilty?
Yes, this man possesses both boundless confidence and pure chastity,
Not right now.
a combination that has made him...
Not right now.
...a twisted monster virgin!
Oh. Then of course you've done it, right?
But even that monster has a weakness.
MONSTER VIRGIN
He is still a virgin.
It would be easy to lie.
But telling an experienced person that I have experience
would be like a movie neophyte claiming knowledge about movies to a film buff,
thinking they can trick the person!
Supposing I did lie to her...
I have tons of experience!
You're bragging about it?
Are you that embarrassed about having your virginity exposed?
How cute.
She'd see through me!
I-If you're that curious, you can always ask me directly.
The best he can do is bluff.
Really?
I know you have a little sister, President,
so you probably do it with her all the time.
Oh, that...
Of course not! Are you a moron?
Well, you're family.
I did it to my newborn nephew.
It was videotaped.
You're a loon!
Good times.
It's not good to be excessively afraid of physical contact with other people.
I guess that's the dark side of modern society.
No, it's you!
You're the dark side of the nobility!
What's so strange?
You must do it a lot to your dog Pesu, don't you, Chika?
- You do? - No! Please don't drag me into this!
The Shinomiya family upbringing is this perverse?
She's so ignorant of the ways of the world that she thinks it's common sense?
Shinomiya...
Let me ask you this.
Do you know what it means by "first time"?
Please don't make light of me.
As a lady, I know that much.
It's referring to kissing.
Honestly.
Kaguya Shinomiya.
As the daughter of the owner of a conglomerate,
she's been protected from sexual information for 16 years now.
The beginning and end of her sexual education was kissing.
ALL ABOUT SEX PISTIL STAMEN WHEN YOU GET MARRIED, LEAVE IT TO THE MAN. THE END
Anything more than that she picked up from urban legends.
So the stork has nothing to do with it, right?
She's a "daughter in a box" taken to the extreme!
Naturally, she has no idea what "your first time" refers to.
Shinomiya...
President, I'll take this one.
Kaguya...
In this case, "first time" means...
And then...
puts...
in...
After that...
the two...
moving...
like beasts!
MINUTES
LATER
A-After all...
the law is you do that kind of thing after you get married!
I thought my heart was gonna stop!
RESULTS OF TODAY'S MATCH:
SHINOMIYA LOSES
Today's match...
FOR INCREDIBLE IGNORANCE ABOUT SEXUAL KNOWLEDGE
Shinomiya loses.
President, I disapprove of illicit intercourse.
So would you go do it to yourself?
KAGUYA WANTS TO BE FIGURED OUT
It's a quiet night, isn't it?
Yes.
It's Fujiwara's turn to walk Pesu today, so she had to go home early.
Pesu! Pesu!
And Ishigami was in and out of here before I even noticed.
He gets the perfect attendance award in his own way.
You've mellowed out since we first started here, Shinomiya.
You mean I've gained weight?
No, "mellow," not "marshmallow." Your personality.
Like making small talk.
Yes.
I've been making an effort to become slightly more likeable.
That's what it is?
Well, it also helps that I have a better understanding of you as a person.
You understand me?
Really?
We've been working together here at student council for half a year now.
I think I have a pretty good understanding of you.
Then I'll test you.
Test?
Yes, let's test how much you really know about me.
Do you know the game "20 Questions"?
20 Questions!
EXAMPLE
It's a game in which one player gets 20 questions
Is it smaller than my palm?
to guess what the other player is thinking of.
Is it edible?
But the player can only ask questions that can be answered with a yes or no.
I'm thinking of an eraser.
If the guesser gets it correctly within 20 questions, they win.
If they can't, the other person wins.
But if you get 20 questions, you can pretty much guess it.
If you really know me, though...
you should be able to guess it with half that, ten questions.
I see.
That's fine.
Are you ready?
Yes.
20 CHAMBER BELGIAN REVOLVER "HENRION, DASSY, AND HEUSCHEN" (BUT ONLY 10 BULLETS LOADED)
Then my first question...
One, is it something that can be touched?
Yes.
It isn't a word or concept.
- Two, is it an electrical appliance? - No.
- Three, is it something that's warm or cold? - Yes.
Considering her answers, it could be a living thing,
WARM-BLOODED ANIMAL
FOOD
food, a substance like warm water or ice,
BOILING WATER
ICE
a bonfire or some kind of temperature control device?
FIRE...
ETC., ETC...
But since this is a test of how well I understand Shinomiya,
the answer must be something connected to Kaguya Shinomiya.
Therefore...
Four, is it something you own?
No.
Five, is it something you touched today?
No.
Six, is it something that's at your house?
No.
Three noes in a row.
I thought it was something Shinomiya possessed, but now I don't know.
I'll explore Shinomiya's psychology a little more.
All right.
Seven, is it something you like?
Yes.
What is that expression?
She looks kind of embarrassed or bashful.
Don't tell me.
Eight...
Is it a living thing?
Yes.
It's...
It's me, isn't it?
Calm down! Let's confirm it!
You can touch it.
It isn't an electrical appliance.
It isn't room temperature.
Shinomiya doesn't own it.
She hasn't touched it, and of course, it isn't in her house.
It all matches!
And it's something that Shinomiya likes!
Is this...
a roundabout confession of love?
Nine, in what way do you like it?
THUMP THUMP
As a friend? As a human being?
Or something else?
No answer.
I can only answer with a yes or no.
Crap!
I'm so flustered, I wasted a shot!
I've got to calm down.
It's possible that the answer is someone else!
Okay.
Ten, is it something that's very intelligent, handsome,
with somewhat light-colored hair and well-defined eyes?
It's me!
It's definitely me!
Jeez, Shinomiya...
What a twisted way to confess your love.
We've been through a lot together, huh?
That's right.
Every time, I understood more about the person named Shinomiya.
And...
Huh?
Well, you're out of questions.
Give me your answer.
That's right.
To a certain extent, I understand what kind of person Shinomiya is.
At a time like this, she always...
My answer is...
a dog.
Correct.
PESU (DOG)
More precisely, Fujiwara's dog, Pesu.
Good boy! Good boy! You're so cute!
INTELLIGENT
HANDSOME
LIGHT-COLORED HAIR
So shall we go home?
HANDSOME LIGHT-COLORED HAIR WELL-DEFINED EYES
It's getting late, after all.
Right.
The results of today's test...
PASS
BECAUSE WHEN ALL WAS SAID AND DONE, SHIROGANE UNDERSTOOD SHINOMIYA'S NATURE.
Pass.
I FEEL LIKE PESU REMINDS ME OF SOMEONE...
PANT PANT
Kaguya Shinomiya is the daughter of the Shinomiya family,
which was part of one of the old financial combines.
KAGUYA WANTS TO WALK
Her life was decided when she was born or perhaps even before she was born.
For example, this...
2,574 times.
That's the number of times
Kaguya Shinomiya has gazed out the window on the way to school.
SHINOMIYA
But one day...
A cat?
Yes.
It's lodged itself in there deep near the engine.
I'll arrange for another car, so if you would wait for a short while...
In that case, I'll just walk there.
At least go with Hayasaka.
I don't mind.
If she waits for me to change clothes, she'll be late,
and I think she'll be fine going on her own.
There. You see? I'll be fine.
Miss Kaguya!
See you later.
She was slightly out of breath as she ran under the refreshing sun.
All right.
I may never get the chance to walk to school again.
I have to take advantage of this precious opportunity.
So...
I believe the president rides his bike to school from Setagaya,
BICYCLE LANE
so he probably takes Meiji Street.
MEIJI STREET
The president always gets to school on the late side,
so if I wait on the bridge, I'm sure...
Well, if I don't hurry, I'll miss the president.
What's wrong?
If you've got a problem, briefly tell me what it is.
The pedestrian crossing!
The pedestrian crossing?
All right, I'll cross with you.
Okay. Would you let go of me now?
There are a lot of pedestrian crossings on the way to school!
Before today,
how did you go to school?
With a friend.
Yeti always held my hand when we crossed.
The Abominable Snowman?
Her name is Ienaga, so her nickname is Yeti.
But now that we're in the upper grades,
she said there's no more group walking to school.
So now, I'm on my own.
WAAAH WAAAH
Her thinking is still totally lower grade.
I had a better head on my shoulders even when I was in the lower grades.
I don't want to be alone!
I want to be with everyone else!
Listen.
Just because going to school in a group is officially over,
that doesn't mean you have to walk to school by yourself.
You should meet up somewhere with your friend
or pick her up at her house and walk together.
Right?
You're smart! Are you a genius?
What can I say?
Mikiti!
Yeti!
Well, you're fine now, right?
Go on.
Right!
Bye-bye, genius girl!
Good morning! Surprised to see me?
Good morning! You did surprise me!
- Let's go to school together! - Yeah!
Well, where am I?
Eight twenty-five.
I'm going to be late.
If they find out I was late,
I'll never be allowed to go to school on my own again.
I wanted to try doing it even just once.
Going to school with someone...
President?
Shinomiya?
What are you doing here?
The bell's gonna ring!
You, too. President, are you going to be—
I'm not late yet!
I've never been late yet!
You're the problem, Shinomiya!
If you walk, you'll definitely be late!
If a member of the Shuchiin Student Council is late,
it sets a bad example!
Hop on the back!
We've gotta fly!
Being late is bad, but two people on a bike is okay?
Be quiet! When it comes to student council,
school rules take priority over traffic rules!
Days later...
Kaguya has returned to her usual routine of going to school by car.
- Can I go to your house, Yeti? - Sure! Come over!
But sometimes...
she remembers that one day and smiles.
Go back to the forest.